I'm accepting my new role in the world as substitute teacher. The transition is slowly killing me in reverse. I still have my rough days where I long to have my own classroom filled with 25 little students, sitting at 25 little desks, with their 25 intelligent minds. I've let go of the resentment that I held for Arnold Schwarzenegger for approving a class size increase to headway the drastic LAUSD new teacher slaughtering (AKA budget cuts...even though we've yet to see any other ways the district is cutting down on their big business spending). It's cleared my mind to let go of that hate.
I've been working consistently thanks to the wonderfully lovely people at the elementary school I previously worked for. They boost my confidence and my ego continually. I'm not sure how well I'd hold up if it weren't for them, the parents at the school, and the students who express their distress of my loss and the support that they provide.
It's strange walking into some other teacher's classroom. I'm not sure you'd know what I fell unless you have went from being a full time teacher to a substitute teacher. Each classroom has their own routines, structure, and schedule. Each teacher has their room set differently, with materials and books in various places. I can't help but want to judge, or to clean/organize, or to long for what they have for a job. Yet, I come in, dust off my rusty teacher legs and give those students my all just for the day.
Playing substitute teacher isn't my favorite game and
I don't think it ever will be. But I think it is a lesson to me to take my challenges in stride and overcome the hardships of leaving behind the job I spent 6 years in mind bogging school for and two years of blood, sweat and tears working as a 2nd grade teacher. By encompassing my new role I'll learn, becoming a more rounded teacher and more experienced educator. I think I will be able to learn the tricks and strategic moves to become the winner in the end.